Friday, August 28, 2009

A Whole New World (Of Crazy)

So I was reading a TPM article about one of the gun toters at an Obama rally attending a church where the preacher said that he was praying for Obama to die. Actually, what he said was this:

... you're going to tell me that I'm supposed to pray for the socialist devil, murderer, infanticide, who wants to see young children and he wants to see babies killed through abortion and partial-birth abortion and all these different things -- you're gonna tell me I'm supposed to pray for God to give him a good lunch tomorrow while he's in Phoenix, Arizona?

Nope. I'm not gonna pray for his good. I'm going to pray that he dies and goes to hell.
The sermon was rather well-titled, "Why I Hate Barack Obama."

Perhaps, I just don't know when to ignore the ignorant, but I felt like going to this church's website would be a few minutes well-spent. Forget a few minutes. The Faithful Word Baptist Church website is a doorway to a world of insanity and stupidity that can boggle the mind for hours. Here is a quick tour of the site:

The sermons page:
Every sermon from 2006 on is here. You can listen to any of them with quicktime. If you choose to do so you could here such highlights as:

"The Whore's Denominations"
"Suffering Many Things of Physicians"
"How to Handle Abusive Government"
"Barack Obama Melting as a Snail"
"Principles on Dating"
"How to Have Joy in Your Life" (how long could this one be?)
"God Deals in Extremes" (specially denoted with an unexplained flame graphic)
"The Seven Sins of Halloween" (with fire graphic)
"Why Billy Graham will go to Hell" (tough crowd here, also with fire graphic)

and so many more!

It actually looks like the fire graphic is used to denote sermons that will scare the shit out you. The specially mark them why? I guess because that is what you are hoping for if you go to this church.

The doctrine page:
The main tenants of insane Christianity are all here. Two of my favorites:
We believe that the King James Bible is the word of God without error.
There is no explanation as to why God graced 17th century England with the literal truth or what happened to all the poor saps who read the BS versions that were produced for the first 1600 years after Christ. Maybe that's in one of the sermons.

We believe that homosexuality is a sin and an abomination which God punishes with the death penalty.
Does this mean that church would like the U.S. to punish homosexuals by putting them to death, or are they simply saying that if you get down with your own kind that God immediately starts looking for ways to take you out?

The ministries page:
This seems to be the advertising page where Pastor Steve talks about all of his great services. If you want to learn what it is like to have Pastor Steve stop by your house, check out "Door to door soulwinning evangelism."

And of course they also do language classes... huh?

The Bible memory page:
Since the King James version of the Bible is unerring, it makes sense that we would want to memorize it right? Pastor Steve will tell you how! This is his revelatory method:

If I were memorizing Acts 5:42, I would break it down in this way:

1) And daily in the temple..., And daily in the temple... (about 100X)
2) ...and in every house..., ...and in every house... (about 100X)
3)...they ceased not to teach and preach..., ...they ceased not to teach and preach... (about 100X)
4) teach and preach Jesus Christ., teach and preach Jesus Christ. (about 100X)

Notice the overlapping of sections 3 & 4. This is very helpful.
It's amazing because it is so simple that you might have thought that someone else would've come up with the idea to just repeat something over and over to memorize it. Ingenious!

The essays page:
This is where Pastor Steve really lays it down. In fact, there is an answer to my question about the King James Bible and its antecedents. Steve says about the Hebrew and Greek translations:

Many believe that God’s preservation and perfection only exist in the “original” Greek and Hebrew manuscripts. There are several problems with this. First of all, the original manuscripts no longer exist. There is no manuscript of any book of the Bible that is even within a hundred years of the original age. This is because paper decomposes and does not last through the centuries. Therefore, the Greek and Hebrew texts we have today are copies of copies, translations, compilations, etc.
If you can find any holes in that logic, why you must be God himself!

The great thing about the essays page is that it isn't just essays. There are charts, satire regarding "liberal" churches, statistics and Pastor Steve even shows off his poetry skills. All you need to know about the formidability of those skills is that there are 22 verses like this:

They used to know “Wounded for Me”
Now they know “CSI Miami”
I don't want to give away the final line of the poem, but I bet if you thought about it real hard you could figure out what it is.

Pro-life studies page:
Really should be called the IVF page. I think Pastor Steve was getting lazy by the time he put this one together.

Our pastor page:
This is actually the first tab, but I had to save it for last. This page is your introduction to the one and only Pastor Steve "I Hate Barack Obama" Anderson. Among the things you could learn about Pastor Steve is that he "holds no college degree but has well over 100 chapters of the Bible committed to memory, including almost half of the New Testament. See you doubted the memorization method from earlier, but you couldn't memorize 100 chapters of the Bible in your entire life if you didn't use such an incredibly advanced method of memorization. Could you? I didn't think so.

But what really makes the page so great is that it links to the family blog of Mrs. Anderson. Perhaps, there will be a future post dedicated entirely to the oddly named "Are they all yours?" blog from Mrs. Anderson.

"Are They All Yours?!??"
The main piece of information to know is that the blog is about usual mom blog topics - pictures of kids, family vacation descriptions, canning tips, socialized medicine rants, a fairly regular habit of calling people perverts and fairies, and of course documentation of Pastor Anderson's court case from some run in with the border patrol (more in a bit).

The most current post is titled "Another perverted male OB/GYN" and is about a doctor who, if everything in the post is true, is a terrible doctor and a real asshole. However, unless I missed something the term pervert seems misapplied.

I'm not sure that factual correctness is the main thrust of Mrs. Anderson's blog, however. I think the point is to push this point:

It is called "The Holy Bible", and you will find definite answers to all of life's questions and issues in it. -- Mrs. Anderson
It also has a link to the blog of Pastor Steve. You probably already know that is also a very special blog.

Steven L Anderson:

This blog has a few topics but lately it is almost entirely about Pastor Steve getting a beat down from the border patrol. I can't tell too much about what really went down other than that Pastor Steve was being belligerent about a request to get out of his car so the officers forcibly removed him from the car.

I'm too tired to read or watch more right now. You all can figure it out if you want. It's a nice piece of drama, however, that links the tea party crowd (there is another video of him speaking at an event) with religious nuts. That's the thing about nuts really. They generally attract their own kind.

Happy reading everyone!


Royal said...

Just to be fair....their are always going to be extremes at both ends of the spectrum....I remember just a short 8 months ago when it was acceptable to hold demonstrations against anything you didn't agree with and proudly display the Bush bashing bumper stickers. Have the rules change because the administration changed? I am pretty sure that freedom of speech is still protected by the constitution? Even if it is absolutely crazy. I do shake my head in disgust at the blasphemy this "preacher" is committing. But, I do warn that for every crazy that can be found preaching against Obama, another can be found preaching for Obama and the actions that follow. Just my 2 cents.

Nate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nate said...

This 'preacher' is comedy gold! Riotous in every sense of the word. A+ for entertainment value! F- for humanity, charity, and other Christian values!

Royal said...

Absolutely agree with Nate on the F- for humanity, charity and other christian values, but I would give him a F- on entertainment as well. I don't really see any humor in what he "preaches". I guess the only thing scarier than those that speak to such extremes and violence, are those that blindly follow without using any thought, reason, and common sense.


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